Niclas Haritos

The conversation is getting intense and you are about to explode. Your anger and fear create a very strong emotional mixture that causes you to say something you might regret something. I never experienced the situation I didn’t respond to an event that offended me in a personal way. But recently I’ve experienced something that made me more powerful than I’ve ever felt before.

Being pushed around is NOT OK

Let’s try to explain the principle I was used to living by and noticed I miss understood the way I should’ve applied it.

My biggest principle I used to live by is: “No matter what you have – you’ll have to make the best out of it.”

And here we are. No matter how bad the situation might look like for you, you should focus on getting out of there rather than dwelling on the “bad event”. I always was OK with any sort of outcome that happened to me. I accepted the reality no matter how fair or unfair it might be at that time. No matter if it was towards my favor or not. I just looked away and said it’s fine. So as you can see I was quiet and did not leverage it either.
Getting pushed around is NOT OK and you should acknowledge that!! You are a human being who built it’s on living standards and you should fight for things you might have to cut back. There is literally no reason for not to.

Being Quiet or Being Observative

Now, some of you might say neither nor. You have to say something. Or even to react to the unright. And I still say, as hard as might sound like, you have to observe what is happening to you. disconnect your emotions and be aware of the facts that will impact you and your regular life. To give you a small example.

The landlord yells at you and gives you the notice to move out in a certain time frame. So you have the chance to say something and might risk the chance to correct the matter afterward. OR you decide to say ok and swallow the disrespect and move on and do some research instead. Is the landlord able to give you that notice, how long has to be the notice in advance, what are the exceptions and most importantly, did you document anything that could prove the landlord’s statement wrong? All those things are available to check but at the moment that you get pushed can not be answered. Observe what the statements are, and see how it potentially affect your life. and then create a battle plan in case something unright has been done. But never ever react to an event instantly.

How does being observative increase your leverage?

1. Listen – You are putting yourself into a position where you able to increase the chance to understand the other person. The ability to actively listen to someone is not as common as you might think. They will be impressed.
2. Understand – Now, this is the task you need to be serious about. And the absolute secret is – DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING – You have to get into a flow of asking questions. Only if you understand what really is going on you are able to negotiate further for the better of yourself.
3. Validate – This one is similar to “Understand” but it is more about proofing internally what the other person is saying. If you are in sales you understand pretty quickly why. Get to know the pain point and offer the right solution. And you will win.
4. Hide – Please, remember when your parents told you that knowledge is power? It is very true.  The moment you open your mouth to react to someone’s statement or decision you most likely say something you haven’t thought through. Speaking of time to think.
5. Time – This is, I would say, the most important reason why this is increasing your leverage. You earn yourself time to think through different variations of answers you might be able to give. The more time you gain the better your Pokerface will look.

The Honesty About Yourself

The observation is as important as your honesty about yourself. You need to know what you did and what you did not do. You have to know exactly what the facts are. Write them down and be sure that those points are true and valid. And make sure you do not say ” I did more than the other person”. That will lead to nowhere but to questions you might have done wrong. So, be specific and know your stuff before giving a solid backfire. And this would be one of the steps to achieve your personal success mentioned in my Blog Post earlier.

Let me know if I forgot something to mention. Maybe you think differently which I would be curious about why that is. Leave a comment and help others by sharing this with someone who is struggling with giving solid backfires. Thank you so much for reading and I will see you soon.

-Be Great-

Niclas